sticksnstones.blogg.se

 

 

I'm not depressed. My heart is not broken. I'm not grieving. He's not dead. He's out there. He's living out his dreams. And I know, I know he's happy. And that makes me feel proud for him. But there is this other feeling that doesn't completely feel fair. Or right. Or good. He goes on day in and day out, happy without me. And every morning I wake up and there's this pit, this feeling here that maybe my dreams are over. Maybe, maybe I had my dreams, and they're over now. And I'm going to be this single woman. No husband, no kids, no family. He was my family. And now he's someplace else, and I let him go. And it's good that I did. I mean, it's better for him. But for me…  So I need something to be good. I need a reason to get up every morning, to not crawl back in that cave that I was in before I met him. You know he saved me. You were there. You remember how I was. I was dark. That war made me dark. And that darkness, it is still in me. He just lit it up. So I just thought, I just thought, maybe to beat back that darkness, I would be something good. I would do something good."